Appreciation

Dear girl,
Thank you, for at least having clicked your whatsapp application,
once a day at least,
The very least is I get to know that,
you're doing fine and in peace.
I thank you for that.

Though, however, I need you to know,
I miss you.

Sincerely,
Me.

On a mission

Today is a start of a set of important missions.
To start of, Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Mission task list:

1. Aim for the final 10.
2. Complete PSM a.s.a.p.
3. Produce something special for FNhAR.

Hopefully, I'll put forth those with higher priorities.
But fact is, the latest will cloud my whole priority and end up,
With absolutely failure.
Well. Let's start working then. :)

Hopefully she'll like what I came up with. Q.Q

Sincerely,
Me.

Private getaway

Bismillah.

Syukur, Alhamdulillah. I managed to get you off my mind for few hours, nearly a day.

Thank you Tera for such a nice gameplay.

Currently rushing my Devillus to level 60.

Though, I can't really run away from the fact that my heart longs for you, FNhAR.

I du'a for you in every prayer.

If we were meant to be, I prayed for our hearts to be united.

If not, let it set apart, in different directions.

I wanted to message.

I wanted to call.

But the thought of making you suffocate by my messages and calls, forbids me from doing so.

And to think that a woman's voice needs to be confined as they are very alluring, when heard by guys especially.

Yours, especially when I heard your voice, heart beats faster.

Only beautiful thoughts will be played in mind.

That's how far your existence meant to me.

I really hope 1 day, I could finally call you mine.

If not, I just hope you're happy and successful in life.

That's all.

Sincerely,

Me.

Heartbreak phase

It was, few months back. At first we were doing fine, messaging each other.
Then, it turned out bad. I messaged you, once in 2 days, for 6 consecutive days.
Three times, to be exact, but no replies.
By the end of the third, 6th day, you changed your status.

'I have my own life.. so please..'

So, ok, i decided not to disturb you...

But I saw you, continuously updating your status.
So, I decided to reply to your status instead.
At one time, i guess you noticed.
And went blank '---------------------------------'.

From then on, I started to stalk, your 'last seen'. To just know, that you're doing fine. :')

Later. 2 months since i last messaged you, it was your examination week, so i decided to gain courage and finally wish you good luck.
Again, you didn't reply.

And then comes Ramadhan. I decided to once again, gain more courage, to wish you for the fasting season.

Finally, you replied. Thanks.

Sincerely,
Me.

Hijrah

I'm sure all of us need salvation.
From all the past sins which clouds our heart.
From lights which was supposed to shine the way.

Life.
What's life?
Have you ever felt like you've been taking numerous hit?
And felt like giving up?

'Life, is the only thing that will beat you down to your knees,
And keep you there, if you let it' - quoted from Rocky

'It's not about how hard you hit.
It's about how hard you can get hit.
And keep moving forward' - quoted from Rocky

These lines thought me a whole new way to look at life.
I wondered how did I go so far into life.
Thinking like a loser.

Not getting what you want now doesn't mean you won't get it any other times.
Get up from falls.
Get up strong.

The most important thing in life is, having faith.
Especially faith, to the Creator.
He, created and gave life to us.
Bow down to him,
Hold your hands and ask for His forgiveness,
Need help? Seek from Him, as He is indeed loving and merciful
Ar-Rahman, Ar-Rahim

Never let darkness fill your hearts,
Try letting the light in.
In sha Allah, things will turn out better than you think.

#notetoself #notpreeching

Sincerely,
Me.

Little confession

I can't help but myself.
It's not like I want to think of you, day and night.
If I were given a choice, I don't even wanna.
But that's the thing, I wasn't given any choice.

I'm just another boy,
Who seeks for love and seeks to love.
Just like those other.
But I've chose the lone path.

This is a confession.
Yes, I'm in love with you.
Since the very first day I set eyes on you, crush.
But I'm not wishing to be your stead.

I want much more than that,
I wanna be the one to grow old with you,
Maybe when I'm capable,
I'll come for your hand.

Til' then..
I hope I'm not a nuisance to you,
I really don't want to,
It's just that, watashi wa sukidessu, FNhAR.

Sincerely,
Me.

What do I really seek?

No, I'm not seeking for a relationship with the girl.
Rather, I'm actually seeking for a salvation from all my sins.

No, I'm not seeking for an escape from my loneliness.
Rather, I'm actually seeking to fill that empty spaces with faith and loyalty.

No, I'm not seeking to be loved.
Rather, I'm actually expressing love to someone.

No, I'm not hoping to get her.
Rather, I'm actually hoping to be strong willed and getting to know the Creator.

No, I'm not trying to seek for attention.
Rather, I'm actually writing these down, so I won't forget such memories.

No, I'm not upset that she ignores my messages.
Rather, I'm actually happy that she took a few seconds reading them.

No, I'm not crazy over her.
Rather, I'm actually seeking for an escape from committing further sins.

Yes, I am thankful to the Creator.
Because, He had created such beautiful lives.

Yes, I have the eager to strive for more.
Because, this feeling gives me thrills in life.

Yes, I stalk her.
Because, not for the sake of myself, but I just need to know that she's doing fine.

Yes, I think about her all the time.
Because, I am thankful that Allah S.W.T had gave me the privilege to know someone like her.

Yes, I would like her to be the one I call my own.
Because, I hope to only love one woman, other than my mom, in my whole life.

Sincerely,
Me.

From mere strangers to ??

Actually, how on earth did I meet or get to know of this FNhAR? To really think about it, it was really random. So, how did I really came across to befriend such a girl? Hahaha. Typical answer which is no longer a stranger to our daily lives, Facebook. Well, I guess I just came across her being in a photo with a friend (a friend that I knew earlier before her), and I thought, hey, this girl was kinda cute. So, I went and sent her a friend request. Right after she approved we had a rather, few small conversations over why she went to accept me as friend and gave me her number (considering fact that I'm not at all attractive).

Me : Salam, hey.

Her : Waalaikumsalam.

Me : Can I have your number?

Her : Why do you want it?.

Me : Well, to just be friends, promise I wouldn't constantly disturb you.

Her : I guess since you're a mutual friend of mine, I guess it would be okay.

Me : Oh, hehe thanks.

Damn, in a way, she was rather sweet, considering that we don't really know each other in real life. 

I'm just thankful that I get to know such a wonderful girl as a friend. Alhamdulillah.

Sincerely,

Me.

Hope

To think about it, she did say she would be nice to me once a year. She even picked up when I called her last time when she decided to be nice to me. I really hope that once a year would be during my special day. =D

Ahhh. I'm going nuts.

Started the ball rolling

I wonder, since when did it got so deep into me? I've known her for years. It was back, since the start of my diploma pursuing. Both of us are going out of state, to pursue that one scroll, to maybe earn a little bit more than what we could have without it. 2008. Exact date? I couldn't remember, I'm getting really old. It was then, that I think started the ball rolling. A dialog between me and her during our first semester of study, not the exact dialog, but it goes somewhat like this:

Me : 'How's your study? Is the campus fine?'

Her : 'I don't like it here.'

Me : 'I don't like it here either, maybe we should run away together.'

Her : 'Yeah, maybe we should.'

Damn, that was the real start. But back then, I was damn immature, being very insecure about anything related to relationships and commitment. I thought of nothing but more than a mere simple crush. As time goes by, yes, I've met other crushes along the way, thought of getting serious, but failed, in all. I guess God doesn't approve me of being in a relationship, if I don't mean to make that exact girl to be my only one.

Time passes through, we chatted along the way, and about last year (2012), we had this random conversation using sms.

Me : 'Hey, you still listen to hardcore songs or have you turn to lovey dovey songs?'

Her : 'Why? Do you intend to scold me if I do?'

Me : 'No, of course not, I just wanna let you hear this song 'Pierce the Veil - Caraphernelia'.'

Her : 'Oh okay, I thought you wanted to ask me to be those softer girls.'

Me : 'Nah, just listen to the song.'

Her : 'Okay, i'll listen to it later.'

Oh God, she thought I was gonna scold her and persuade her into listening love songs? Please. And at another time, I actually hid my birth date from fb. Only a few of my best friends wished me that time. And out of nowhere, around 2-3 days later, she messaged me saying 'Happy belated birthday'. I was like, what? You remembered? Gosh. That moment, heart stopped. So, this is how far it has become.

Watashi wa sukides, sukidessu, FNhAR-chan.

Sincerely,
Me.

Sickness proof

Proof of how much this sickness has gotten to me:

From one time,

I tried to message her through normal sms-es.

To a time where,

I would message her through whatsapp.

To another time where,

She was rather suffocated by my messages.

Until that time where,

She let know her anger through her whatsapp status.

And at that time,

I updated my status, to say 'Hontouni gomenasai'.

Till at a certain time,

I checked her status, daily.

When another time comes,

Where I would update status to let her know of my feelings.

And then comes the time,

She notices my status, and went blank '----------------------' on me.

And desperation comes into hand when it was a time,

I checked her well-being through 'last seen' of the whatsapp application.

And from that moment on,

Where I update my status, to again, notify her of my feelings.

And this is the time,

Where I fall deeply sick, into this sickness, which I love being in.

Sincerely,

Me.

Current sickness.

Sickness, many may not like em', but I somehow do love this one sickness.

Not really one, but it's said that if you're having fever, you'll have the chance to Du'a and may have it to come true. Then, when you're sick, it's somehow a cleanse of the sins that you have done in the past. 

Though, however, this sickness does not apply to practically being sick, but still, I love this sickness. 

What sickness if you may ask? Simple. Lovesick.

Why do I love this sickness? Perhaps because it gives me reason to live life to the fullest, and perhaps one day, achieve my dreams, one of em' is to of course, be with the one I love.

It may sound nice, but sometimes it could really be troublesome, especially when you're the only one expecting so much from it, whereby the other, either already have another person or does not care at all about what you feel. Well, that's life. Things don't go exactly the way you want it to, but heck, it will drive you more and more towards your aims and goals.

It may not come true now, or it may not come true at all, but hey, I'm doing all I could to win her heart, so, I have nothing more to regret. I'll leave it to God to decide whether she was meant for me, or she's not. Either way, I'm thankful for the current life I am living.

-FNhAR- <3

Sincerely,

Me.

Ice breaking

Assalamualaikum,

A little introduction about myself:

Name : Ahmad Adlan

Nickname : Karbox

Year born : 1990

Style : Typical immature boy

Occupation : Student

Ambition : Useful person

I wonder why I started this blog, my old one was kinda abandoned. The last one had nothing but random short essays, so I'm wondering what to write in this new one. Well, it's a start, hopefully won't end too soon though.