Crippled

I.. have now..
Found myself lost, completely;
Never thought I could ever feel,
as to how I did,
21st of July 2014,
23rd Ramadhan 1435H,
has thought me,
on how insincere I was,
all these time,
every single word I spoke,
was a hoax,
every single action,
was indeed meaningless.

How?
How can I be loved,
when I am not ready to love?
How can another stand for me,
when having to stand still,
merely under 5 minutes,
nearly made me stumble?
Ya Allah,
Ya Rahman,
Ya Rahim,
please give me the strength to endure,
of what little from the others,
my brothers and sisters,
who are currently enduring,
protecting their most valuable asset.

How?
How Ya Rabb,
how do I face You,
in the coming days,
when my time has come,
when You have called upon me,
to be judged,
upon what I have done so far,
what have I done,
to be in Your favour?

Indeed,
after all these while,
I am indeed,
crippled still,
inside out.