Petals

False pretense;
Acted strong,
Stood tall,
Spoke aloud,
Smiled wide,
Boasted around,
Laughed historically,
Walked through.

Truth?
None of the above.
But what lies below;

Inner rebel,
Hid low,
Random tears,
Silent mopping,
Mood swinging,
Standing still.

Yeap.
I've been here,
not an inch further,
from how I felt,
about you,
since forever.

Even forever,
seems short.

I wish,
to turn all these,
that I felt,
into petals,
to be sent to you,
and let you know,
that yes,
I've been here,
all along.

Forward

Alhamdulillah,
A confirmed staff;
Although it's a month away,
yet, their appreciation,
It's incomparable,
from the previous experiences,
It's true that they say,
experience truly teaches a person,
Grateful I am,
for the life that I'm having.
Though however,
this is where it actually starts,
I have to thrust forward,
full speed;
I'll contribute,
somehow,
I hope,
for Islam,
for my family,
for my nation.
In shaa Allah.

Crippled

I.. have now..
Found myself lost, completely;
Never thought I could ever feel,
as to how I did,
21st of July 2014,
23rd Ramadhan 1435H,
has thought me,
on how insincere I was,
all these time,
every single word I spoke,
was a hoax,
every single action,
was indeed meaningless.

How?
How can I be loved,
when I am not ready to love?
How can another stand for me,
when having to stand still,
merely under 5 minutes,
nearly made me stumble?
Ya Allah,
Ya Rahman,
Ya Rahim,
please give me the strength to endure,
of what little from the others,
my brothers and sisters,
who are currently enduring,
protecting their most valuable asset.

How?
How Ya Rabb,
how do I face You,
in the coming days,
when my time has come,
when You have called upon me,
to be judged,
upon what I have done so far,
what have I done,
to be in Your favour?

Indeed,
after all these while,
I am indeed,
crippled still,
inside out.

Steps

Difficult it is,
not to leave you,
but those memories,
those moments,
they haunt,
they hurt,
slowly,
they kill,
like an assassin,
that hid in the shadow,
and when in silent,
they rise,
and without a doubt,
shred what's left.

It's inevitable,
leaving you,
it's a must,
but acting like,
it never existed,
that could never happen,
though it was not much,
to me,
you were all,
all that I wanted.

I wish for you,
to be happy,
to succeed,
to achieve,
all that you had ever dreamt of.

I hope,
that this,
this,
to be my last,
goodbye.

Sincerely,
Me.