Justification

Dear you,
I admit,
it was my,
terrible mistake,
to rush things.

Dear you,
I'd try,
my very best,
and fix,
my pace,
cause annoying you,
had never,
cross my mind.

Dear you,
I wish,
I had a,
somewhat telepathy,
to talk to you,
perhaps,
when I talk,
to the moon,
you'd hear,
all that I said.

Dear you,
please hear out,
my justification,
please do not,
turn away,
and awkwardly,
walk away,
cause I could,
never bear that.

Dear you,
you're sweet,
just by,
being the person,
that you are,
and for that,
was the reason,
making me,
into you.

The Unveiling

Made my confessions.
It hurts, a lot,
but never,
never shall I regret,
cause every single word,
I meant them.

Miss,
I need you.
like said,
your presence,
makes me,
a better person.

All I've done,
up to this point,
was all sincere,
and was,
for me,
to get to know,
more of you.

I came clean,
not hoping to score,
I came clean,
so that,
I would strive harder,
in my mission,
to be apart,
of your life.

I had finally,
unveiled,
all that I felt,
for you.

YADH

Sentience

I would,
justify,
over and over,
reasons why,
I chose,
this path.

People,
despite of,
who they are,
or were,
at one point,
they'd leave,
leave you,
clueless,
aimless,
merciless,
and thoughtlessly.

Despite of,
the effort,
you tried to,
tightly and closely,
held on,
to them,
the memories,
the relationship,
the very little,
of what's in between,
they'd still be,
gone.

Cos',
let me,
make clear,
your sentience,
are useless.

-End-

Crossroads

I've walked a distance,
And it seems that,
I've come to this,
A crossroad.

Now then,
It has come to this,
Four choices,
Upfront,
Astern,
Left or;
Right.

They may hold,
Different outcomes,
But nonetheless,
A choice has to be made.

For now,
I'd just stand in the middle.
Why?
Cos I'm lost.
And I wish to be clear,
On my intentions.

Staircase

I believe..
That everyone deserves,
to be happy.

I believe..
For every wrong,
there's a right.

I believe..
Allah has much,
much better plans.

I believe..
With every step,
moves you further.

I believe,
There are always,
left and right.

I believe..
What goes up,
must come down.

I believe..
That in actual,
love is a beauty.

I believe..
Staircase were made,
to assist the climb.

I believe..
What I'm feeling,
may not conjure you closer.

But nonetheless..
I'm still up,
for the climb,
closer to you,
to achieve the beauty,
of life's up and down,
left or right,
despite of any plans,
I'll make it,
this time,
to provide you,
with happiness.

-YAH

Rowing

Been down,

been dropped,

been exhausted,

been rejected,

been thrown,

been happy,

been blessed,

been overjoyed,

no matter what,

I'll keep on,

rowing,

I'm rowing on,

not much,

from where I started,

but every single stop,

made me,

who I am.

I'm scared,

to admit it,

because,

maybe,

just maybe,

it's too fast,

but if I do,

wanna try to,

get close to you,

I'm gonna have,

to start behaving,

as a better man.

And when I do,

I'll come back,

I'll come,

for you,

yes you.

-YAH

Distorted

Ponders on life's way,
of handing me stuffs,
it was never,
never ever it was,
getting what I want,
was rather,
getting what I need,
honestly,
that's good,
cos' I have no,
no absolute idea,
of what I want,
Allah knows best,
so I shall,
lay my wants,
to Him.

Landslide

I never wished for such a thing,
I never knew how this happened,
From merely someone,
to absolute strangers,
Where have I got it wrong?

Was it my appearance?
Was it my attitude?
Was it my passion?
Was it my annoyance?

I had never thought we could end,
Not this way,
I wish for us to stay in contact,
You, with your life,
and me, with mine,
but never to be complete strangers.

Trust me,
I've been admiring you from afar,
Since I first set sight on your picture,
over in your friend's album.

Forgive me for being annoying,
Forgive me for being sadistic,
Forgive me for making you angry,
in most of our conversation.
Forgive me for having feelings,
feelings which made us end up this way.

But nonetheless, I still do,
have feelings for you.

Hemorrhage

Why?
Why does it hurt?
Why?
Why must I bleed?
Why?
Why must I fake a smile?
Why?
Why did you leave?
Why?
Why did you snub my texts?
Why?
Why every moment?
Why?
Why are you in my mind?
Why?
Why do I even like you?

There is no valid answer,
for each of the questions,
but,
there may only be an answer,
for all the questions,
and the answer is you, FNhAR.

Petals

False pretense;
Acted strong,
Stood tall,
Spoke aloud,
Smiled wide,
Boasted around,
Laughed historically,
Walked through.

Truth?
None of the above.
But what lies below;

Inner rebel,
Hid low,
Random tears,
Silent mopping,
Mood swinging,
Standing still.

Yeap.
I've been here,
not an inch further,
from how I felt,
about you,
since forever.

Even forever,
seems short.

I wish,
to turn all these,
that I felt,
into petals,
to be sent to you,
and let you know,
that yes,
I've been here,
all along.

Forward

Alhamdulillah,
A confirmed staff;
Although it's a month away,
yet, their appreciation,
It's incomparable,
from the previous experiences,
It's true that they say,
experience truly teaches a person,
Grateful I am,
for the life that I'm having.
Though however,
this is where it actually starts,
I have to thrust forward,
full speed;
I'll contribute,
somehow,
I hope,
for Islam,
for my family,
for my nation.
In shaa Allah.

Crippled

I.. have now..
Found myself lost, completely;
Never thought I could ever feel,
as to how I did,
21st of July 2014,
23rd Ramadhan 1435H,
has thought me,
on how insincere I was,
all these time,
every single word I spoke,
was a hoax,
every single action,
was indeed meaningless.

How?
How can I be loved,
when I am not ready to love?
How can another stand for me,
when having to stand still,
merely under 5 minutes,
nearly made me stumble?
Ya Allah,
Ya Rahman,
Ya Rahim,
please give me the strength to endure,
of what little from the others,
my brothers and sisters,
who are currently enduring,
protecting their most valuable asset.

How?
How Ya Rabb,
how do I face You,
in the coming days,
when my time has come,
when You have called upon me,
to be judged,
upon what I have done so far,
what have I done,
to be in Your favour?

Indeed,
after all these while,
I am indeed,
crippled still,
inside out.

Steps

Difficult it is,
not to leave you,
but those memories,
those moments,
they haunt,
they hurt,
slowly,
they kill,
like an assassin,
that hid in the shadow,
and when in silent,
they rise,
and without a doubt,
shred what's left.

It's inevitable,
leaving you,
it's a must,
but acting like,
it never existed,
that could never happen,
though it was not much,
to me,
you were all,
all that I wanted.

I wish for you,
to be happy,
to succeed,
to achieve,
all that you had ever dreamt of.

I hope,
that this,
this,
to be my last,
goodbye.

Sincerely,
Me.

Square one

MashaAllah.
Such beauties,
still exist,
but I'm still afraid,
afraid of going through,
the same old process,
of having caraphernelia.

I'm tired,
but as a person,
I still need one who,
I could lean on,
I could go home to,
I could converse with,
I could complain to.

I wish I could be the one,
the one who,
she cherishes.

I know,
I'm far from being a man,
a man who could guide you,
who could protect you,
who could make you feel,
that you're home,
all the time.

But God's willing,
I'll give it all,
all for you.

If this feelings are true,
I'm willing to fight for it,
till we see through,
inshaAllah.

Dejavu

It seems that it happened again,
What wrong have I done?

Ya Allah, save and protect,
those who were once,
close to me,
but had left,
and shut me out,
for who knows,
what reasons,
for all I know,
I wish for them,
to be happy,
to be blessed,
for all the kindness,
that they had given,
while our friendship lasted.

Amin.

Rupture

Sometimes I..
I wish I was cooler,
I wish I was calmer,
In your pursue,
We had a weird bond,
A bond that I have,
With none other,
Other than you.

I missed those times,
When we had an agreement,
Even arguments seem sweet,
Cos' those were times,
Which I miss most.

I regret not,
Having this feelings,
For you,
But I regret,
To not be given a chance,
To continue our weird bond,
As mere friends.

My heart,
It bleeds,
When the thoughts of you appear,
Slowly healing,
To an extent where,
It seems those wounds healing,
Causes more pain,
When it starts to bleed,
Time after time.

I miss you.

Wounds

Had a rather busy day on Friday, 7/3/2014.
Woke up early to catch a train to Serdang.
Headed to Melaka with a couple of pals.
Perhaps such a wrong, wrong day,
To be caught having diarrhoea,
Still made it through the day,
Had some awesome times with the pals,
Got tasks completed, just maybe, not one.
A week before convocation it seems.
It's difficult being oversized.
Especially getting fitted into formal clothing.
Listened to one of the most emotional sermon.
About how we're all related as one,
How some of us could still stand,
While the others were being tortured,
Off their own land.
Emotional indeed.
Little had it effected,
Onto the wounds.
Continued through the day and reached home,
Roughly around 8p.m.
No food on the table,
Decided to dine-out.
Randomly picked one eatery,
Placed the orders,
Looked around,
and saw HER.
Why? Why her?
With her family, she was dining.
I wondered up to now, did she notice me?
She still looked stunning, as ever,
Though actually, just a simple outfit,
T-shirt and a tracksuit.
As I looked at her,
Once awhile, while pretending to watch the television,
Where else, the television was rather just an excuse,
When her dad turns to look at me,
The thought of having her,
Just a few steps away,
Blew, with by the fact we're million miles apart,
When she in reality, ignores my existence.
Bleeding, I was left, alone.

Walking in an Alley

Life passes by,
No matter how much one tried to stand still,
As time waits for no men (or women?),
Days, weeks, months went by,
It was like I didn't even notice them leaving me,
It was as if I was in a trance,
Caught up with such a f'ed up chase,
That I overlooked the very fact,
That I have been pursuing after shadows,
Shadows that grows when the sun's up,
And fades when darkness surrounds,
What was I trying to achieve?
I have forgotten my life purposes,
Perhaps a slap or two would wake me up,
Carry myself back to life,
Which as a matter of fact,
States me as one whose a never was,
Perhaps I need a push,
Perhaps I need a pull,
And perhaps,
I should be lying down,
Clearing my thoughts,
Was it right to be taking this path,
To be continuing this journey,
Walking in the same dark alley?